Navigating The Gym In January

A good chunk of America stuffs their face from Thanksgiving until the end of December.  Some large percent of these chubbers decide to make a New Years resolution to go to the gym more, lose weight, get into better shape, etc…  This yearly ritual makes January the busiest and most annoying time at the gym.  Here is some advice for the resolutioners to be less annoying to everyone and possibly be more successful.

  1. Plan a routine and schedule.  Go to the gym for an hour for three days, then take a day off, then repeat.  Go at the same time each day.  It will become a habbit
  2. Use weights and do cardio.  Whatever your goal is, both weights and cardio will help you be healthier.
  3. Start simple.  Blogs, message boards, and your idiot cross fit friends will tell you how you have to squat and jerk and clean and back flip.  While those lifts are great, you are just starting out.  Do simple stuff that you recognize.  Use machines at first and slowly work in some free weights.
  4. Don’t hog anything.  A gym only has so many free weights, so many treadmills, and so many benches.  Do your exercise and move on.
  5. BENCHES ARE FOR BODIES.  Don’t be that guy or gal that leaves a cell phone on a bench just to stand next to it.  I don’t care if you are exercising next to the bench, unless your body needs the bench for an exercise let someone else use it
  6. Fancy outfits don’t help.  Maybe get a good pair of sneakers.  Your $500 lululime pants won’t make you run better or give you more strength.  It will just make you look like snobby.  Just get something you can sweat into.
  7. Toe shoes are useless
  8. Don’t do weird stuff.  Yes the treadmill goes to 10 mph.  Yes you can tie a weight to your waist while you do exercises.  Yes you can add a free weight to a machine rack.  Yes you can hang from the chin-up bar and do crunches.  But WHY WOULD YOU?  STOP BEING WEIRD. YOU WILL HURT YOURSELF
  9. Stop staring in the mirror.  Yes, right after you lift your muscles look bigger.  You own a mirror at home.  Nobody wants to see your belly no matter how ripped you are.
  10. Eat better.  Diet plays a large factor in gaining muscle and losing weight.
  11. Keep at it.  Just keep going to the gym.  Things get easier and feel more natural.

Good luck and stay away from my boxing bags