Gym Tales Part I

My coworker Ben requested more gym blog entries.  He said he has had enough of the tech and startup BS.  So here it is Ben, a gym story from my past.

It was about ’09 and since I lived by Columbus Circle I was a member of Gold’s gym in Hell’s Kitchen.  It was a fairly grimy gym, but it had all of the weights, racks, and cardio equipment that I needed.  The clientele was eclectic (unfortunately I never saw Daredevil or Jane there).  I like doing dumbbell benchpress instead of barbell because of the increased range of motion and the fact that you don’t need a spot when you use dumbbells, you just drop them.  I was between my second and third set when I stepped
away to get a drink of water.  I came back and there was a giant, beastly man now in the bench next to mine pressing the 130s.  He was one of those guys with a fanny pack for
no good reason and obscenely large veins popping out of his neck.  He kind of reminded me of bear-pig-man.  I had never seen a person use the 130s and I was afraid
that he would drop them on my feet so I stood back and let him do his thing.  He must have noticed me and figured I was watching him.  When he finished I went to do my set of 100s  (I was stronger back then, now my last set is 90s :/).  After I completed my set he said something like “nice set” and I just grunted.  Why was this guy talking to me?  Who talks
to strangers at the gym?

I went to get a drink of water before going onto the next exercise.  As I was drinking from the water fountain I noticed the room got dark.  There was a very large shadow being
cast over me.  In my head I wondered “oh crap, is it that giant dood from before?  Why did he follow me?”  When I finished drinking I looked over and realized it was him!  Quickly
I freaked out.  “Why did he follow me?  Did he think I was into him?  Does he want to sell my steroids?  Is he after my vital organs?  What happens when I say no?  Will he rip off my arm and beat me with it?.”  He said to me “Hey can I talk to you for a second over here?” as he motioned to some spot away from the water fountain.

I reluctantly followed him a few yards away.  I figured my life was over.  I lived a solid enough life.  I saw Europe, it was okay.  He starts off “Hey buddy.  I saw you doing bench press.  You’re doing a good job and have a nice upper body.  But there is something important I have to tell you.  Your legs are too skinny.  You really need to start working your calves more.  Like do calf exercises every day.”  I must have looked scared as hell because he then said “Oh ladies love strong calves.  My girlfriend really loves my calves.”  I responded with something like “oh thanks, uh, I will try that.”  He then said “No I am serious, you really need to do these exercises.  If you want I can show you.”  I politely declined and scurried away.

I’m not really sure the purpose of this story, but I am glad I didn’t anger the unruly giant.  It also reminded me of an Entourage episode where Drama had a complex about having small calves and wanted implants.  My finance brings up my small calves only once a month, which I can live with.

Good Luck,
-Larry

Advertisements